Trying Something New

Alright so I realize I haven’t blogged in quite some time. Life has been so hectic lately! One of my younger sisters got married while the another went off to college. It’s really weird having a married younger sibling, not bad just really really weird. It’s also a little hard seeing her moving on with her life and being so happy when I’m not. I’m still single and living at home (although I wouldn’t say I’m not happy). Living at home is…a contradiction of feelings. I’m trying my hardest to love, enjoy, and value the time I’m spending with my Family. Plus I also get to have a relationship with my youngest sister that I probably wouldn’t have had otherwise since we are ten years apart. While at the same time I’m an adult living at home with my parents, it sucks and yet it’s wonderful.

Whiplash right? I really hated everything to begin with, nothing has gone according to my plans. I was supposed to move home for the summer after college, get a good job, and then move out. I was going to travel with friends and date, life was going to be fun and amazing! But after college I didn’t know what I wanted to do–no big deal I’d just keep moving forward–work, move out, travel, and just live my own life. Then my friends got all weird–they didn’t like who I’d become, who I grew up to be…which is dumb because for the first time in years I loved myself and was in a vastly better place, it was like the sun was finally shining around me but I was completely alone.

I made one of the biggest and most important decisions of my life at that moment; I’d rather be alone than go back to being who I once was. So I moved forward I made a few new friends who I’ve become closer to than anyone before and I got a new job. It was a job which meant money but not something I wanted to do longer than I had to. I’m not sure when but during that summer job I rediscovered my love of writing. Something just sparked and I decided that I wanted to try to write a book. Summer passed quickly and as fall neared that desire went from a little spark to a raging wild fire. It was amazing and I was a mess. Nothing I wrote was good; in fact what I’d written back in high school often sounded better. I figured as my time at that summer job came to a close that I’d keep trying to write my novel as I looked for a new job.

I think making plans is something I shouldn’t do, because once again everything changed. My mom and I were in a car accident by no fault of our own, and it took over a year for them to figure out what was going on with my shoulder. Then another six months before the doctor said I wouldn’t need surgery (thank goodness!), and by the time physical therapy was over it had been two years. I’d continued working on my book as often as physically possible and as I neared the end of the second year realized everything needed to be rewritten. So I salvaged what I could and started over. It’s been three years now and I still don’t have a job, but my book is nearing completion.

I strongly believe that is another important decision I’ve made; to finish what I’ve started. As I’ve worked and forced myself to stay stubborn and determined about finishing my book I’ve come to an incredible discovery I have passion for something. Which has brought me to another conclusion passion isn’t something you are born with. It is developed when you like something and keep working and stay determined for a long period of time. It appears as a passion to others because you don’t give up, but I think that feeling of being passionate comes later when you start contemplating giving up and realize you cannot and will not. When that dim dying fire ignites once more hotter and more stubborn than ever before I believe that is passion, a strong will to continue.

I know being unemployed and living at home is very strongly frowned upon and I even feel ashamed of myself and get embarrassed when people ask if I’m working or going to school, ’cause I’m like well neither…but I strongly believe it’s the right thing for me. Besides I do have a job there just isn’t any instant gratification (weekly paychecks) but in the future there certainly will be gratification and you better believe I’m going to succeed.

Take the path that suits you don’t settle for the one everyone else is on. You are unique and truly amazing so why would an ordinary usual path take you where you want to go in life?

As for my something new I’m going to be posting a sketch on here (hopefully everyday, unless things get super hectic) because I’m trying to get back into drawing. I would love to illustrate and publish my own kids books someday along with my “scary dark” Novels (my cousin couldn’t get through the first couple of pages, complained it was too scary and dark). Anyway stay healthy and if anyone happens to read this feel free to comment or even post one of your own drawings! I love seeing other people’s art it is so inspiring. 🙂

*quick note I was playing with different styles and didn’t fix all my lines so it’s not the nicest but for a quick study (and getting used to a new program) they turned out pretty well. (I’m using a free program called Krita, and I’m really liking it so far)